Difference from last entry: +1.5
Wow…. I don’t even know how to get started on this… I am very disgusted with myself right now, which probably means that this entry is going to sound pretty negative. But I did not have a very good week weight-wise. And worse than that, I have now eclipsed a weight that I swore to myself I would never be at again.
I almost broke down in tears when I saw that I now once again top the 290 pound mark. I can’t believe that I have let myself get back to this weight. I worked so hard to get my weight down to a reasonable level. And now, in a little less than a year, I am almost right back where I started. (The heaviest I’ve ever been is 295 pounds.) I’ve wasted all of the hard work, all of the determination, all of the dedication that I spent to get down to a good weight, and to stay there. [sigh]
The really bad part about all of this is that I know that I have the strength to lose weight. All I need to do is look back over my old journals, and I can see that I do have the strength. I’ve just forgotten how to tap into that strength. I’ve gotten used to not working hard. I’ve gotten used to not paying attention to what I eat. I’ve gotten used to being lazy, not exercising, not moving much at all from when I get home to when I go to sleep. In short, I’ve fallen right back into all of my old habits. And these habits are quickly adding weight to me.
So what can I do? How can I break these old habits? My girlfriend and I had a heart-to-heart discussion about this very subject this evening. We have agreed to try to help each other through this. She will be providing me with the strength and motivation when I don’t have it. But I can’t just rely on her; I need to find a way to tap into this strenght within myself.
In a way, I have already started to do this. I stopped at the grocery store after our Weight Watchers meeting tonight and loaded up on healthy food. I now have a kitchen full of good-to-eat items. I also don’t have any bad-to-eat items here, so that’s a good thing. I’ve also committed myself to getting away from my desk and taking a walk during breaks at work tomorrow.
These are small steps. But I need to take things slow at this point. I need to make small goals right now, concentrate on awakening that strength that is within me. My goal for this week is to eat better and to get some exercise tomorrow. I am not going to look beyond tomorrow until I succeed at meeting my goals for tomorrow.
Wish me luck. And I hope that you have a great tomorrow