I’m still alive!

I didn’t realize just how much time has gone by since I posted here utnil I received a comment from Arlene W. on my last post. In March. Early March! While I have gone for a couple of months without posting here before, that’s one of the things that I said I was going to try to stop doing. Needless to say, things haven’t been going well here.

It’s kind of funny, the difference a journal can have. When things are going well and I am feeling well, it’s a pleasure to post in this journal. It’s a joy. But when I’m misbehaving, when I am not being good, it’s a chore, a task. It’s almost a pain. And so I don’t post anything. This isn’t something that I haven’t said a hundred times before. I’m getting repetitive, like a broken record. It’s time to change the tune.

I don’t even know how to describe what’s happened the last couple of months. It’s mainly simply a complete loss of self control. I used a number of different excuses, trying to fool myself into thinking that this isn’t a big problem. But it is a big deal. I can feel it. My body isn’t liking the weight I’m at now. I can feel it when I move, feel it as I get short of breath walking up stairs, and I can especially feel it when I get weird pains and sensations in my chest. This extra weight is killing me. I can feel it doing so. And I need to make changes. Now.

Actually, E and I have agreed to start doing this together. We’re going to go slow about it again, making actually changes we can live with, as opposed to major changes that feel good for a few days then get ignored. We’re starting today, actually, trying to simply keep track of what we eat and drink, and make sensible cutbacks when appropriate.

We shall see!

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