July 25, 2005 – Reflecting

Current weight: 328
Difference from last entry: 0

I am now 35 years old. That’s really strange to think about for some reason. I remember vividly turning 33, and can’t remember thinking anything much about my age since then. So somehow, suddenly, I’m two years older. Which isn’t good. My 30s are slipping by me, and I haven’t made any significant strides towards my goal weight. In some ways, that goal seems like it is further away from me now than at any point during the past decade. Which is a scary thought.

What’s even scarier is that I now feel like I don’t know what to do to correct things. I don’t remember anymore how I lost the weight so easily. I don’t remember how I motivated myself to work out. I don’t remember how I found the willpower to eat wisely. It feels like I’m never going to be able to lose weight again.

But I can recognize this for what it is. These are self-destructive thoughts triggered by that part of my mind which doesn’t want to be strong, which doesn’t want to be healthy, which just wants to pig out on sandwich cookies and chocolate milk while sitting on a couch in front of the television. That part of me is not a good part. It’s the part of me that I must stop listening to. I need to do whatever I can to break away from that part of me’s hold on me, and start doing something, anything, different.

And so I’m going to try something radically different than normal: I’m gonna try to wake up early and go for a stroll around the neighborhood. It’s hard for me to find a time to work out lately. But there’s one time of the day when I can assure myself the time to take a walk: in the early morning. If I can get out of bed around 6:00 or so, I should then be able to take a 30 minute walk before Erin and Colin get out of bed. It’d be exercise! It’d be a metabolism boost. And it’ll be a way to start breaking away from that self-destructive side of me.

Morning walks. That’s the ticket.

Wish me luck!

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