Difference from last entry: 0
I’ve spent the past couple of weeks trying to figure out just how I’m going to go about getting some structure into my attempts to gain control over my weight. I know that I need to journal, but I find that hard to do if I don’t have a specific reason for doing so. I shouldn’t have to make up a reason, but my mind works in mysterious ways.
So I have settled on trying eDiets personalized diet plan. It’s not exactly cheap (about $25 a month). But it will give me a goal to shoot for. The weight loss plan will definitely provide the structure that I need. And it gives me a goal to shoot for. Specifically, the goal is reaching 305 pounds by the middle of December.
There are a couple of things I like about eDiet’s plan. First, I was able to alter it to fit my preferred meal layout (small meals every three hours or so, with a larger dinner). The second is it allows a tailored exercise program. I set up my exercise program for aerobic stuff on Tuesday – Thursday, limbering exercises on Friday and Sunday, and rest days on the other days. This is an exercise program I can actually see myself doing.
Assuming I can get over my self consciousness and get back out into public to work out. I didn’t really realize just how hurt I was when that kid at the Y told his father, “Wow, look at the fat man!” For some reason, that comment really sunk into my core. It reinforced my internal voice, the one that says, “everyone is laughing at you ‘cuz you are so fat. Don’t try working out, they’ll just laugh more. Just go home.” That reinforcement paralyzed me. I wasn’t able to get myself out to work out very often after that.
I still haven’t been able to. Erin and I have lived in Highlands Ranch for over two months now, and I still haven’t been to the rec center (where we have a free membership) to work out. No excuses, other than I am frightened that someone else will point and laugh.
My main goal for this upcoming week is to get over that fear and go to the rec center for a workout.