Biffster’s WeightJournal.com

Current weight: 308.6
Difference from last entry: -1.4
Difference from 2009 starting weight (316.6): -8

Show notes:

Lost a bit this week. Yay!

Mother’s Day was a problem, but I had been good enough during the week to minimize the damage.

Hydroxycut is in the news, reminds me of phen-phen from a decade ago.

And it turns out that those of us who are obese might just be addicted to junk food.

2002 Study:
Reduction in Dopamine correlation with BMI,  Result: use over-eating to trigger the reward centers
http://www.cbc.ca/consumers/market/files/food/junkfood_addiction/dopamine.html
2008 Study
Very similar: ghrelin.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/humannature/archive/tags/junk+food/default.aspx
http://www.nature.com/oby/journal/v11/n4/full/oby200368a.html

Video entries are fun! I don’t promise I’ll do them every week, but I’ll sure try.

Current weight: 298.6
Previous entry: 303.8
Difference from last entry: -5.2
Difference from 2008 starting weight (290.5): +8.1

I haven’t updated here lately, but this time it doesn’t mean that I’ve been gaining. I know, I am surprised too! I’ve actually done okay lately, as you can see either by my recorded weight up there, or by taking a look at my weight charts. Either way, you can see a definite weight loss over the last couple of weeks. Which is very cool to see.

We are, of course, heading into the holiday season. Actually, we are right in the middle of it. And some of my weaknesses are coming to the forefront. The worst is egg nog. I don’t know why, but every year I say I’m not going to have much egg nog over the season, and every year I end up drinking pints and pints. I have a profound weakness for it, and I have not figured out a way to get past that. And I need to: 1 pint = 17 points. Can you say HOLY CRAP!!! This is basically taking up all of the exercise Points I earn through a week, which means that I would have to really stick to the plan throughout the rest of the week to balance that out. And I haven’t exactly been doing that.

My other weakness? Cookies. And we have had a TON of them here at work. It started last Monday, with a cookie competition. Since then, people have been bringing in more and more home-made cookies. And I have to try each one. y’know, to be polite and stuff.

I know, I know, that’s cheating.

Current weight: 288.5
Difference from last entry: +/- 0
Difference from 2008 starting weight (290.5): -2

Well, actually “staying steady” is a bit deceiving. I’ve been up and down the last couple of weeks. That was mostly caused by having an excuse: my birthday! My wife E. threw me a big party, and even though she had lotsa healthy food, I still found not-so-healthy foods to eat, too. But things would’ve been okay if I had just stuck with the party. I took my forthcoming birthday as an excuse to go all-out. I started the morning out with one of my favorite coffee drinks, a Colorado Spice Latte from my local Peaberry Coffee. Then it was off to Bruegger’s Bagels – they’re not as good as Einstein Bros., but easier to find downtown – and had one of their Very Veggie Omelet sandwich (nutritional info available). The breakfast sandwich is 11 pts., which is actually within the range of my normal breakfasts. The Colorado Spice Latte added another 6 pts, I think. Maybe 7… so I had 18pts for breakfast. That was not a good start…

Actually, I am spending too much on my actual birthday. Like I was mentioning, it would’ve been okay if I had just splurged on my birthday. But instead, I splurged all that week, and really just stopped now. It was one of those little binge periods I have every now and then. I wasn’t totally out of control, and I was at least making good choices while I was eating poorly. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but it does make sense. For example, I chose a small can of soda instead of a 44 oz. extra-large fountain drink. Small things like that… I was still bad, just not as bad as I could’ve been.

All in all, I am lucky to be where I am. But on the plus side, I can continue forward from this point.

it definitely could’ve been much worse.

Is one of your New Year’s resolutions to lose weight? If so, you aren’t alone. Losing weight is the most popular resolution. Lord knows that it is one of mine every year. And, as this article on Beliefnet points out, it often takes listing a resolution for three years in a row before we actually follow through. I think it took longer for me: I’ve listed losing weight as a resolution forever, but I only actually started acting on it in 2007.

The article provides advice on how to have a better chance at following through with a resolution to lose weight:

Once you do decide you’re ready for action, be as specific about your behavior change as possible. For instance, it’s not enough just to say, “I’m going to lose weight.” That’s an outcome, not something that you do to arrive at the outcome. Better to say to yourself, “I’m going to allow myself one scoop of ice cream a night and not eat any sweets after 8 p.m.,” or “I’m going to walk briskly for 25 minutes a day,” or whatever.

That actually makes a lot of sense. It is in-line with one of Weight Watchers tips: have specific goals. This advice is definitely going to alter my personal resolutions.

Current weight: 290.5
Difference from last entry: -2
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -45

I just realized that this is my last weigh-in for 2007! The year has come to a close much quicker than I expected. I constantly lose track of time and dates, the days and months go by much faster every year now, and I can never seem to keep up. So realizing that this is the last weigh-in for 2007 really did surprise the heck out of me. Fortunately, I finished on a positive note, to go along with a year of positive notes. It seems apropos to finish the year out with a loss!

So my year finishes down 45 pounds from the start. I have to admit, I am pretty damned proud of myself. I think I’ve earned the right to pat myself on the back. It was a hard struggle. Sometimes it seemed quite easy, but looking back on everything, I actually did do a lot of hard work. It was hard to make myself stay within a range of foods, and a range of portion sizes. As anyone who has read this journal for the past couple of years knows, portions and sweet snacks have always been my downfalls. Giving those up – or at least cutting back on them – was a major challenge for me. I fought against it, I struggled and lost every now and then. But overall, I overcame! I still have to watch myself, because those old habits are easy to fall back in to.

But I haven’t given up. I will never forget. 2007 was my affirmation year, my proof to myself that I can control my weight. That I don’t have to be so god damned fat. That I don’t have to be a slave to my gluttony. I control what I do. I can be strong. I can get past my inherent laziness. 2007 was the year I regained my confidence, 2007 was the year that I turned everything around again.

It’s not just my weight loss that I have to celebrate, either. There are a lot of other benefits from what I have done this year. I am down three pants sizes, from a 54 to a 50 (and am really close to being able to wear 48s). I am down from 3X shirts to 2X. I no longer am completely winded when I walk up a flight of stairs. I was able to fend off the start of diabetes. I can fit in spaces that I used to have to avoid. I can sit in a booth at a restaurant. Other people can see the difference in my appearance. I can see the difference in my appearance! And there are more… initimate… benefits, too.

So, to sum it up: 2007 has been an interesting year. It’s been both wonderful and tough  emotionally. But all in all, I wouldn’t trade 2007 in for anything.

Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s looking forward to a wonderful 2008!

Current weight: 291
Difference from last entry: -3.4
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -44.5

I’ve been thinking a lot about people’s perceptions of me, and my perceptions of me. As I’ve lost a lot of weight (and I have an outside shot at losing 50 pounds this year), I’ve realized that my perception of myself hasn’t changed much. I still see myself as this almost grotesquely overweight person. It is almost impossible for me to realize that I have lost a lot of weight, that I do look a lot thinner than I did. I still assume that people look at me with pity, and that they snicker at me behind my back. Paranoid, true, but I am prone towards paranoia.

What didn’t help is realizing that someone who sees me for the first time will still see me as a big fat guy. 291 pounds is not exactly svelte. When I lose another 50 pounds, there will still be people who think that I am a hippo. It is unavoidable.

What is avoidable, however, is my perception. I need to allow myself to acknowledge the fact that I am thinner than I used to be. I can see the difference in the mirror. I can see the difference in my pants (I am down from a 54 to a 50). I saw the difference squeezing past the narrow space between cubes this week. I am trimmer than before. I know that, logically and factually. I just need to be able to believe that emotionally. I need to internalize that, let it factor into my self image. I don’t know why I am afraid to do that.

I am not all that concerned about the rest of the holiday season. I have always tended to over-eat for Thanksgiving, not so much for christmas. If I can stay away from eggnog, I should be fine. So I don’t need to worry about gaining a ton of weight through the holidays. And once New Year’s Day is past, there’s nothing social or calendar-wise to worry about.  I am not going to allow myself to re-gain this 45 pounds. So why am I afraid to let myself enjoy the changes in my appearance? The changes in my lifestyle?

That’s something I need to consider over the next week.