Current weight: 310
Difference from last entry: -2.6
Difference from 2009 starting weight (316.6): -6.6
Note: Sorry about the low volume level on this entry. I am still trying to figure out how to do video. 
Show Notes:
“The key that unlocks energy is desire. It’s also the key to a long and interesting life. If we expect to create any drive, any real force within ourselves, we have to get excited.” — Earl Nightingale
Beliefnet is running a very interesting interview with Judith Beck, author of The Beck Diet Solution. Those of you who’ve read my journal for a while know that I am not a fan of the diet system du jour. Most are schemes to separate people who need help from the money in their wallets. Weight loss and diet are such a major problem today that there’s oodles of cash to be made. And people are so desperate for help that they will foolishly spend money on pipe dreams, hoping that this time they have found the magic solution to their problem.
So I was not in a big hurry to think much of Ms. Beck’s diet system. However, Ms. Beck does have some very interesting things to day. My favorite regards feeling hungry:
If you ask someone who’s never struggled with dieting, did you get hungry before dinner last night, invariably, they say yes. And then, if you ask them, so, what did you do? they’ll look at you in a very funny way and say, what do you mean? I just waited until dinner. People who have never struggled with dieting aren’t afraid of being hungry. They expect to feel hungry. They recognize that it’s normal. But, people who struggle with dieting are usually afraid to be hungry. If you ask them that, they’ll say, no, I’m not afraid. But, then, if you ask them to do an experiment such as skipping lunch, maybe going for eight hours without eating, they get very nervous because they think that hunger is not natural. They think that they can’t tolerate it.
This is a very interesting insight. When I first read it, I wanted to vehemently disagree. But I have to admit that I am at least partially guilty of this behavior. It’s an interesting interview through out. If you have a few minutes, I’d recommend reading the whole thing.
In a previous article, I talked about how people perceive overweight people. In that entry, I said that I was “realizing that someone who sees me for the first time will still see me as a big fat guy.” While this may be true, it is not necessarily the case. I think that this is a much bigger reflection on myself, on how I see myself. When I look in the mirror, I still see the big fat guy. I still see my 330+ pound self, even though I am now much, much thinner. It’s how I see myself. I need to change that.
I’ve always had a poor self-image. This ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. I felt like I was horribly fat, and I ended up making myself exactly that way. I spent years and years with nothing but negative thoughts (“who am I trying to fool?” “I’m such a slob.” “Why am I trying? I have no self control!” “I am so fat, I’m just going to keep getting fatter.”). It was easy – far too easy – to let myself start listening to those thoughts. To agree with them, in a way, or tof all under their spell.
That’s a goal I have set in front of myself. I need to stop with the negative self-talk. I need to encourage myself through hard times, not beat myself up over them. I need to acknowledge all of the hard work I’ve done, instead of obsessing over the times that I didn’t do so well.
I need to change the way that I think. Everything else will fall into place once I do.
At the WeightWatchers meeting this week, one of the questions for discussion was: “Why do I want to lose weight?” I figured that would make a great topic for a journal entry, so here I am.
Why I want to lose weight:
That’s what comes to mind right now. Feel free to leave comments below, sharing the reasons you want to lose weight.
Current weight: 290.5
Difference from last entry: -2
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -45
I just realized that this is my last weigh-in for 2007! The year has come to a close much quicker than I expected. I constantly lose track of time and dates, the days and months go by much faster every year now, and I can never seem to keep up. So realizing that this is the last weigh-in for 2007 really did surprise the heck out of me. Fortunately, I finished on a positive note, to go along with a year of positive notes. It seems apropos to finish the year out with a loss!
So my year finishes down 45 pounds from the start. I have to admit, I am pretty damned proud of myself. I think I’ve earned the right to pat myself on the back. It was a hard struggle. Sometimes it seemed quite easy, but looking back on everything, I actually did do a lot of hard work. It was hard to make myself stay within a range of foods, and a range of portion sizes. As anyone who has read this journal for the past couple of years knows, portions and sweet snacks have always been my downfalls. Giving those up – or at least cutting back on them – was a major challenge for me. I fought against it, I struggled and lost every now and then. But overall, I overcame! I still have to watch myself, because those old habits are easy to fall back in to.
But I haven’t given up. I will never forget. 2007 was my affirmation year, my proof to myself that I can control my weight. That I don’t have to be so god damned fat. That I don’t have to be a slave to my gluttony. I control what I do. I can be strong. I can get past my inherent laziness. 2007 was the year I regained my confidence, 2007 was the year that I turned everything around again.
It’s not just my weight loss that I have to celebrate, either. There are a lot of other benefits from what I have done this year. I am down three pants sizes, from a 54 to a 50 (and am really close to being able to wear 48s). I am down from 3X shirts to 2X. I no longer am completely winded when I walk up a flight of stairs. I was able to fend off the start of diabetes. I can fit in spaces that I used to have to avoid. I can sit in a booth at a restaurant. Other people can see the difference in my appearance. I can see the difference in my appearance! And there are more… initimate… benefits, too.
So, to sum it up: 2007 has been an interesting year. It’s been both wonderful and tough emotionally. But all in all, I wouldn’t trade 2007 in for anything.
Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s looking forward to a wonderful 2008!
