29 Dec

Year-end weigh in: Happy New Year!

Current weight: 290.5
Difference from last entry: -2
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -45

I just realized that this is my last weigh-in for 2007! The year has come to a close much quicker than I expected. I constantly lose track of time and dates, the days and months go by much faster every year now, and I can never seem to keep up. So realizing that this is the last weigh-in for 2007 really did surprise the heck out of me. Fortunately, I finished on a positive note, to go along with a year of positive notes. It seems apropos to finish the year out with a loss!

So my year finishes down 45 pounds from the start. I have to admit, I am pretty damned proud of myself. I think I’ve earned the right to pat myself on the back. It was a hard struggle. Sometimes it seemed quite easy, but looking back on everything, I actually did do a lot of hard work. It was hard to make myself stay within a range of foods, and a range of portion sizes. As anyone who has read this journal for the past couple of years knows, portions and sweet snacks have always been my downfalls. Giving those up – or at least cutting back on them – was a major challenge for me. I fought against it, I struggled and lost every now and then. But overall, I overcame! I still have to watch myself, because those old habits are easy to fall back in to.

But I haven’t given up. I will never forget. 2007 was my affirmation year, my proof to myself that I can control my weight. That I don’t have to be so god damned fat. That I don’t have to be a slave to my gluttony. I control what I do. I can be strong. I can get past my inherent laziness. 2007 was the year I regained my confidence, 2007 was the year that I turned everything around again.

It’s not just my weight loss that I have to celebrate, either. There are a lot of other benefits from what I have done this year. I am down three pants sizes, from a 54 to a 50 (and am really close to being able to wear 48s). I am down from 3X shirts to 2X. I no longer am completely winded when I walk up a flight of stairs. I was able to fend off the start of diabetes. I can fit in spaces that I used to have to avoid. I can sit in a booth at a restaurant. Other people can see the difference in my appearance. I can see the difference in my appearance! And there are more… initimate… benefits, too. πŸ™‚

So, to sum it up: 2007 has been an interesting year. It’s been both wonderful and tough  emotionally. But all in all, I wouldn’t trade 2007 in for anything.

Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s looking forward to a wonderful 2008!

26 Dec

Weigh-in for 12/22: Holiday problems

Current weight: 292.5
Difference from last entry: +1.5
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -43

Okay, did I really say that I don’t have as much of a problem eating over the Christmas holiday? Turns out that I am a moron! πŸ™‚ This Christmas has turned out to be much more challenging than i expected. I posted earlier this week about  my waning motivation. That, combined with temptation, stress and depression proved far too much to be overcome. So I gave in a little, and over-indulged a little. Nothing completely out of control. Well, maybe Christmas Eve. But otherwise, nothing totally out of control. Just too much pecking, too much nibbling, too much forgetting some of my hard-learned lessons. In other words, I let my guard down.

I have been watching my weight obsessively since Saturday. Checking the scale each day, hoping that it won’t show more weight. It’s not like me, and probably is just a manifestation of my current state of mind. I am hoping that my brain finds a balance sometime soon. I hate being this off.

Lessons learned this week: No matter what, track how much food I eat! It’s during the times when I am over-eating that it is most important to keep a food journal. It is during those times that I don’t want to keep track of what I am eating that I should be doing so.

And one exercise tip: shopping! Wandering around a mall for an hour is an hour of casual walking!

19 Dec

Waning motivation

Don’t give up, and never forget

For the first time in a long time, I am feeling my motivation taking a dangerous turn. I am not quite certain why, but I am feeling like snacking all the time. I am actively talking myself out of exercising. It is like someone flipped a switch, and all of my bad habits are trying to make their way back into my life. And I am aiding them, by not forcing myself to do the things that I need to do. I sometimes make it too easy for me to not do what I need to do. To give up, to quit, to take the easy path. I need to fight against that. I have to make sure that I keep fighting.

I am trying to re-define what my anchor means to me. The TARDIS key has served me well, lo these many years. But I have had it long enough that it is kinda losing its symbolism. It is sort of the same thing that happened with my wedding ring. I love my wedding ring, and it means the world to me. But I am so used to having it with me  that I don’t notice it. Which means that it doesn’t serve as the reminder that it should. An anchor should be something that you notice, that kinda pokes itself into you and says, “hey dummy! Remember your promise to yourself!” If something is easily ignored, then it doesn’t make a good anchor.

So I am trying to do two things: First, I am trying to consciously notice that I have my TARDIS key around my neck. And then, I am trying to redefine what it is reminding me of. Instead of just a generic “do this,” I want it to remind me of my current mantra: “don’t give up, and never forget.” I just need to repeat this to myself, over and over. And to hold onto my anchor when times are tough.

Motivation will wax and wane. I’ve been lucky so far this summer and fall. My motivation has been strong so far, and losing the weight that I have lost has been relatively easy. (I actually wrote about that earlier this month). Now the real challenge begins.

I am pretty certain I am up to it. πŸ™‚