20 Oct

Weigh-in: Another milestone

Current weight: 309
Difference from last entry: -2
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): 26.5

I had a very interesting dream last night. I dreamt that I was out traveling somewhere. I stopped at a foodcourt at an airport to get something to eat. The only choices were completely unhealthy, of course. And I decided that I was not only going to have something high-calorie and fatty, but I was also going to have two desserts to go with it. I actually slept in my dream, and when I woke up the next morning I decided that I was going to completely go off of the plan while I was traveling. I figured that, since I was traveling, it was okay to revert back to my old habits.

I think that it is interesting that I am having anxiety dreams that I won’t be able to stick to this plan. And I understand why. I am on a great run. I’ve lost a lot of weight this year, and I feel great about that. I feel absolutely fantastic about it. And I am kinda proud of myself to have gotten this far. So of course I’ll be worried that I am going to screw things up, that I am going to revert back to my old ways. I have done that so many times before. There’s a part of me that really worries about that.

And I probably should, every now and then. The last couple of days this week have been very tempting. I have had some odd cravings at night. Including last night, when I felt like I had to eat something – anything – after dinner last night. which was odd, because I used a whole boatload of points to have one of my comfort foods – QDoba’s steak nachos (27 points!!!). That is a whole lotta food, and I was STUFFED afterwards. So why did I want more? Dunno, but I think it is just old habits, old cravings. Those kind of things die hard.

And I know this. I am watching out for it. I am keeping an eye out on my feelings and my cravings and what drives each. I have been filling rather listless lately, which probably has contributed to my craving for comfort foods. Stress at work figures into that, too. It’s not a bad stress, but it is still stress. Management is stressful by definition, I think. Add all of that up, and comfort foods become very tempting.

Obviously, I haven’t given in to those temptations. I am down another 2 pounds, which puts me at 26.5 so far this year. It also means I broke another decade mark, as I crashed my way into the 30x’s. If I can keep losing at around this pace, I have a very real possibility to hit the 200’s by the end of the year. There are 10 weeks left. If I can lose a single pound each week, that’ll put me at 299 lbs on December 30th. If I didn’t already have a few great reasons to celebrate the end of the year, this would be at the top of the list.

So I have a new goal, a new figure to strive for. 299 by the end of the year.

I can do it.

I will.

-M

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