Biffster’s WeightJournal.com

Current weight: 323.5
Difference from last entry: +1
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -12

Oops! I didn’t mean to miss a week – well, almost a week. The last few days just sorta got past me. Not quite sure how that happened. I still can’t believe it is Thursday! So that probably explains everything.

I gained a pound last week, and I already know why: alcohol. Alcohol is high-calorie, concentrated carbohydrates. Drinking alcohol does not go well with losing weight. It’s critical than one adjusts what they are eating to compensate for the extra calories. And I simply didn’t do that. I had three mojitos one night, and then three Sprite-and-Mango-Malibu the next night. All told, that’s like an extra 1,200 calories (including the mixers).

Add along with that the fact that we ate out a lot that week. And I made some poor choices for breakfast once or twice. It could’ve been worse.

Oh, I actually wanted to write about that. It could’ve been worse. The only reason it wasn’t is because I actually forced myself up onto the treadmill a couple of nights and got some exercise in. 40 minutes one night, 30 minutes another… It all adds up, and it helped counter my poor choices.

So I know what I need to do now. Don’t drink anywhere near as much as I was. Don’t eat out as often as I did. And stick with the exercise.

Or: eat less and exercise.

Current weight: 322.5
Difference from last entry: -2
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -13

Wow! Wow o wow o wow! I had to look at the scale a few times to believe that weigh-in. I had to look up the last time that I’ve been at less than 323 pounds (November 15, 2005 according to my journal). It’d be even more interesting to go back and see the last time when I’ve had a period where I’ve consistently lost this much weight. I’m down 13 pounds from the start of the year. 13! That’s huge!

Now look, I know that I am still horrendously overweight. I also know that 322.5 pounds is nothing to be proud of. But I also realize that I am showing some success losing weight here. And that is something to be proud of.

Even moreso is the way that I have lost the last bit of weight. This isn’t just from being sick. I’ve done a better job at controlling what I am eating, and portion sizes for what I am eating. I have been using the PalmOS version of eDiets Mobile. While I’m no longer an eDiets member, I do really like that app. It’s a combination food diary, exercise journal, calorie calculator/counter and tracker. It helps keep me honest, about what I eat and drink, as well as how much I eat and drink.That’s eexactly the type of thing that I need.

I haven’t worked much exercise into my routine yet, but I blame most of that on still recovering from strep throat. Even though most of my symptoms are gone, I still feel run down/worn out as my body finishes fighting off this infection. Hopefully once I’m through fighting this (and I hope I am now; my last dose of antibios will be tonight), I can try fitting some activity into my life.

But all and all, I am pleased!

I’ve been struggling with portion sizes for… well, most of my life actually. As E likes to point out, I do fairly well with portion sizes for meals. It’s snacks and drinks where portion sizes dooms me. I am much more likely to grab a 44 ounce soda than a 12oz, for example. When I am presented with a choice, the 12oz seems like a rip-off. There’s a part of my brain that says, “Pah! That’s a wimpy drink! That is nowhere near large enough for us. Now that swimming pool there. THAT is a drink!”

I am trying to slowly reduce portion sizes. I’ve changed from always getting a Venti (Starbucks) or Big Joe (Peaberry Coffee) -sized latte to getting a grande. And every now and then I surprise myself by ordering a small. The small is probably the size I should be getting. That still gives me the taste that I’m craving along with a caffeine fit, but doesn’t ratchet up the calories and sugars. It’s a tough, tough plan to follow though.

Water actually makes this a little tougher. I try and get in at least 64 oz of water a day, and actually shoot for 128oz. To keep from constantly running between my desk and the water fountain all day, I keep a 32-oz water bottle at my desk. A few times a day, I go to the break room, fill it up with ice and water and then drink from that for the next few hours. So I am getting myself accustomed to using a massive cup to drink from. True, it’s water and not something with calories. But it still sets that expectation for serving size.

Or does it?

I dunno. All I know for certain is that I need to cut portion sizes way down. And that may just be the hardest thing I do while trying to regain control of my weight.

• Full Body Day 1 | Gimme20.com – Fitness Tracking & Fitness Community
  (tags: exercise workout tips)
• Full Body Day 2 | Gimme20.com – Fitness Tracking & Fitness Community
  (tags: exercise workout tips)

Current weight: 324
Difference from last entry: -6
Difference from 2007 starting weight (335.5): -11.5

There is a scene in Stephen King’s The Dark Tower: The Drawing of the Three where Eddie – who will someday be a protagonist but is currently just a drug addict – and his brother are talking about how easy it would be to break their addiction to heroin. All it would take would be to break their back at a certain location. Eddie then thought, “When the only fast way you could get rid of the monkey on your back was to snap your spinal cord [...], you were dealing with one heavy monkey. [...] [A] big, mean old baboon.”

That is sorta how I am feeling right now. I am down 6 pounds from my last entry. But that’s not from effort, it’s because I have been sick. I ended up with a bad case of strep throat. I haven’t been able to eat or drink much since Saturday, June 2nd. The end results have me at my lowest weight since December 2005. But when it takes a major strep infection to help me lose weight, then I know that something has gone very, very wrong.

The main question that I keep coming to, over and over again this past week, is: Why do I feel like I need to punish myself via over-eating? It’s a scary thought. And one that I want to try and delve deeper into.

I’m just starting to realize that there’s a lot more behind my current weight than lack of control. Lack of control can be a valid excuse for someone who is 25 pounds overweight. Or 50. Mebbe even 75. But I am a good 125 pounds heavier than where I want to be (and that is still 20 pounds heavier than recommendations for someone my height). And until recently, my weight had been creeping up again. That’s not the sign of someone who is just eating an extra snack or two. That’s the sign of someone who is eating enormous amounts of food on a daily basis. That’s the sign of someone either trying to use eating as a way of coping with something, or of someone using eating as a way to punish themselves for something.

As startlingly personal as this journal sometimes becomes, I do want to set limits on it. And a lot of these issues are things that I am not going to write about here. I am beginning to work towards at least an understanding of the psychological and emotional causes of my overeating. I am not going to share most of those here, though I will try and share any generic insights that I come up with.

On the plus side, no matter how I ended up here, I am now 10 pounds lighter than I was at the start of this year. That’s one goal that I can check off my list. And I am going to give myself a gold star for hitting the goal. While I could gain more weight once my throat stops hurting enough for me to swallow, I don’t have to. I can use 324 pounds as my starting point, and move forward from there. I can start losing from this point on. A loss is a loss, no matter the cause. Here’s to better days.