26 Jan

Food bender

I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: food can be an addiction. It can be just as big an addiction as drugs or alcohol. I don’t think people realize that. But I know this very well.

Like other addicts, people who are addicted to food will go on a bender from time to time. This is usually called “binging,” but I hate that term. I like the term “food bender.” It seems much more appropriate.

A food bender is very similar to an alcoholic’s bender. It starts innocently enough, with maybe too big a meal, or an extra snack, or a candy bar. But then it rapidly escalates, and over the course of a day or a week, the person ends up overeating in amazing quantities.

Food benders are pretty much how I ended up at my current weight. I do fine with meals and controlled snacks. But I’ll go off on a food bender. The most recent time this happened, I ate most of a box of Oreo cookies by myself. Over the course of two days. When I finished, I was shocked at what I had done. And mortified. How could one person eat that many cookies?

Not surprisingly, my weight went up a lot that week.

If I can control the benders, if I can either keep myself from getting into one, or make myself realize what I am doing and stop while I am in the middle of one, then things will work out the way I want.

24 Jan

January 24, 2005

Weight: 329
Difference from last entry: -3

I am once again amazed at how well eDiets meal plans work. Erin and I started following a meal plan this past week (right after my last weigh-in, actually). And while we didn’t follow it exactly, I used it as a very good guideline for what to eat and, more importantly, what not to eat. And obviously it has worked well. I’m down three pounds. Without even really trying!

Of course, that can be dangerous, too. Because it leads me to be lazy, figuring, Ah, hell, I don’t need to worry about things. I’ll lose weight no matter what ‘cuz of the meal plan. Which is self-defeating and just really bad form. I need to not allow myself to fall into that trap.

So, I will be cautiously optimistic about what the future holds. And I’ll be very happy that I was able to get this ship corrected quickly this time around.

16 Jan

January 16, 2005 – Food addiction

Weight: 332
Difference from last entry: +5

I am up from November, but that isn’t surprising. Holiday weight and very poor food choices are to blame for that. My bigger problem is that I have very little will power right now. The little voice in my head that says, “have a piece of cake. Get some ice cream! oooo, milkshake” is being unchallenged right now. When I hear that voice, I give in without a thought. Which is not good. It’s not good at all.

I reckon that this is much what it’s like to be an alcoholic or drug addict. The desire to eat something bad feels like much more than a desire. It feels like a need. That idea keeps nagging at me, over and over, until I give in. I didn’t used to give in. I used to be able to resist long enough for the desire to go away. I’ve been too lazy to resist. Too lazy to put up a fight. This is what I must work on. This is what I must do this year.

I am going to try to start a new round of eDiets. I’ve printed out this week’s meal plan. I’ll post the results here in a week or two.