April 10, 2004

Weight: 321. Difference from last entry: +2

Well, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Don’t get me wrong, I know that my weight is very seriously out of control. And when one is over 300 pounds, two or three pounds doesn’t seem like a big thing. But pyschologically, only gaining two pounds instead of the expected five pounds this month is a big boost. It’s good enough news to keep me from falling into a “why bother trying” mode, which is how I got up over 300 pounds to begin with.

I am actually feeling pretty motivated recently. It’s in small ways. For example, for lunch Thursday I was thinking of getting a nice fat pizza, but once I got into my car, I was surprised to find that I really wanted to eat well instead of poorly. So I got a grilled chicken sandwich. I’ve also been getting less-fattening drinks at Starbucks (though I am still addicted), and am actually feeling like I want to get out and do some walking. (Of course, it is snowing heavliy right now, so I can’t actually do that…)

I think I am getting ready to start turning things around. Again.

Junk food Meals

Bad couple of weeks

I haven’t been near a scale recently, and it’s on purpose. I know for sure that I’ve had a bad couple of weeks. I have fallen back into that old trap of snacking. I snack during morning break, afternoon break, before dinner and before bedtime. I don’t know why I keep not preparing for the fact that I am a five-meal-a-day person. When I set up meals to account for this, I control my weight. If I can make sure that I have something healthy to eat for morning break and afternoon break, then I don’t fall into these traps.

As it is, I am sure that I’ll have at least a five-pound weight gain if I ever get around to weighing myself. Which will put me back to 324 pounds. Which means that I’ve now gained back everything I lost last year. I keep wasting the hard work that I am doing, simply because I’m not smart enough to do the things that I know I need to do.

Losing weight really isn’t as hard as I am making it.