12 Sep

Weight: 322. Difference from last entry: -4

Today was my first official weigh-in since starting the program. One week in, four pounds down. Or was it more of a weight loss?

I am trying to decide whether or not to trust our scale. When I weighed myself Thursday night – just after dinner – the scale said 324.5. When I woke up this morning – after my morning routines – the scale showed 319. I couldn’t believe what it said, so I moved the scale a bit and weighed myself again. 319. I re-calibrated the scale, and weighed myself again. 319. I proceeded to repeat this through 5 more calibrations. I weighed myself a total of 8 times; every time but one the scale read 319 (once, it read 322).

So I am not sure what to believe. How could I have lost 5 pounds in a night? That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Then the 322 thrown into the mix confused me more. So I went with the 322, which sounds more reasonable. I’ll ignore the other 7 readings for now. And then I’ll see what I show next Friday morning. I should mention that my weigh-ins have always been in the morning. And it is important to weigh one’s self at the same time of the day each time. Could I really be down to 319?

I actually had a battle of willpower last night that I wanted to mention. Erin, my Mom and I went out to eat Wednesday night. Erin and my mom ordered a delicious piece of cake, and then could not eat it. It is now sitting in our refrigerator.

Last night around 10:00 or so, that cake started calling out to me! I imagined eating it, and I could just about taste it as I thought about it! Erin was asleep, so I crept upstairs, went into the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water, reached into the refrigerator to grab that piece of cake…

…and then I stopped. I looked around, shook my head, and asked just what the hell I thought I was doing. I didn’t need to eat the cake. I wasn’t hungry, not even a little bit. If I were to eat the cake, it would simply be because I wanted something sweet. It would be empty calories, and a failure on my part to control what I was eating.

So I closed the refrigerator and went back to my computer desk. And I couldn’t help feeling that I had just one a major battle. That made me feel great, and more importantly, it made me feel even more confident that I can get control of my eating and my weight back.

That experience is definitely going into my toolchest!

09 Sep

2nd day on plan…

Today marks my second official day following eDiets weight loss plan. It’s actually a fairly-simple plan to follow. Part of that is probably because of my starting weight, though. It takes a lot calories to maintain a 325+ pound weight. So reducing calories enough to slowly lose weight still leaves me with a lot of calories per day to eat. The difference in this is the foods that I eat. I am basically snacking all day long (which I normally do anyway). But the difference now is that I am snacking on graham crackers or grapes or yogurt instead of donuts or brownies.

One big key to this (and all) weight loss plans: water. I wasn’t drinking anywhere near enough water. I was drinking a lot of soda and chocolate milk, but not much water. I am now reversing that. I am trying to completely break away from chocolate milk and soda pop. My goal is to replace those completely with water, though there will probably be times that I slip some coffee or tea or milk instead.

Actually, I am quite pleased with how large a part milk plays in eDiets plan. It is not uncommon to see two meals a day listing a cup of milk. The milk lover in me loves this! And, if I get tired of milk, I can replace the milk with yogurt!

I realized today that I do have a number of strategies that I can use to make sure I lose weight and keep it off. One strategy that I’ll be using later today involves fuelling up the car. When I stop at a convenience store, I always have a major urge to fuel up Miguelito while I am fuelling up the vehicle. My way around this is to not go into the store. Instead, use the Pay’n’Pumps. Swipe the credit card, fuel up the vehicle, get my receipt and off I go. No chance to surrender to temptation.

I am actually looking forward to trying to lose weight!

04 Sep

Trying a new plan

Weight: 326
Difference from last entry: 0

I’ve spent the past couple of weeks trying to figure out just how I’m going to go about getting some structure into my attempts to gain control over my weight. I know that I need to journal, but I find that hard to do if I don’t have a specific reason for doing so. I shouldn’t have to make up a reason, but my mind works in mysterious ways.

So I have settled on trying eDiets personalized diet plan. It’s not exactly cheap (about $25 a month). But it will give me a goal to shoot for. The weight loss plan will definitely provide the structure that I need. And it gives me a goal to shoot for. Specifically, the goal is reaching 305 pounds by the middle of December.

There are a couple of things I like about eDiet’s plan. First, I was able to alter it to fit my preferred meal layout (small meals every three hours or so, with a larger dinner). The second is it allows a tailored exercise program. I set up my exercise program for aerobic stuff on Tuesday – Thursday, limbering exercises on Friday and Sunday, and rest days on the other days. This is an exercise program I can actually see myself doing.

Assuming I can get over my self consciousness and get back out into public to work out. I didn’t really realize just how hurt I was when that kid at the Y told his father, “Wow, look at the fat man!” For some reason, that comment really sunk into my core. It reinforced my internal voice, the one that says, “everyone is laughing at you ‘cuz you are so fat. Don’t try working out, they’ll just laugh more. Just go home.” That reinforcement paralyzed me. I wasn’t able to get myself out to work out very often after that.

I still haven’t been able to. Erin and I have lived in Highlands Ranch for over two months now, and I still haven’t been to the rec center (where we have a free membership) to work out. No excuses, other than I am frightened that someone else will point and laugh.

My main goal for this upcoming week is to get over that fear and go to the rec center for a workout.