Biffster’s WeightJournal.com

Down another 4! My only gripe right now is that I haven’t worked out in over a week. On the plus side, I am still losing weight. This confirms something I’ve believed for a while: I am so very overweight that my body will be able to easily shed some pounds if I just give it a chance. Reducing my calorie intake to a reasonable level is giving my body that chance, and my body is taking advantage of it! I know this won’t last forever, and I’ll have to start exercising to continue seeing good results. But for now, my extreme weight is working to my advantage.

I posted the following few paragraphs on my favorite online BBS, Crystal City BBS, and realized that I did a good job recapping my experiences regarding weight management. So I am going to repost the paragraphs verbatim here:

Congrats on the weight loss! It’s hard to lose weight, especially when you aren’t too overweight to start out at. Your starting weight of 205 is less than my goal weight!

I am down 12 pounds since starting with eDiets. For the most part, losing this weight has been easy. I am basically sticking right to the meal plan that eDiets gives as part of their service. The meal plan helps a person learn how to balance meals, which is nice. But more importantly for me, it adds some discipline. I am notorious for having good meals, but snacking a lot – much more than I realize – between meals. Between keeping a food journal and eating only what is on the meal plan for the week, I’ve been able to steadily, easily lose weight.

I am going to start exercising any day now. Once I do, I’ll probably have to increase the number of calories I’m eating a day (my current meal plan puts me between 2000 and 2200). eDiets shoots for the slow, steady weight loss, too. I am losing around 2.5 pounds a week (after the initial week’s 7 pound loss) without exercise. Once I start exercising, I’ll probably start losing too much weight.

I know what you mean about the way one eats feeling right. For me, the balanced plan, made up of 50% carbs, 35% protein and 15% fat seems just about right. I have also learned that my desire to snack is indicative that my body likes a different layout for meals. Instead of three large meals, my body likes five small meals (or large snacks, depending on how you want to look at it) and one larger meal. Once I learned that, I learned to stop eating as much as I used to for breakfast and lunch, and to choose “good” foods for my snacks/mini-meals between breakfast and lunch, and lunch and dinner.

My goal – aside from getting down to 220 pounds – is to learn to eat this way all the time. Even when I don’t have the built-in discipline of a meal plan or a food diary. It’s really irresponsible of me not to. I [b]know[/b] this is how my body wants to work. I know that I won’t be hungry, nor feel deprived, if I do this.

A sample meal day for me now is:

7:30am – bowl of cereal
11:00 am – yogurt and fruit
2:00pm – lunch (normally either a sandwich or a Lean Cuisine meal)
3:30pm – salad and fruit
5:30pm – hummus on a half a pita
8:00pm – pasta with tomato sauce, salad, fruit, milk

Okay, I now have to admit that the scale was correct last time, and that I need to start trusting it. I’ve now “officially” lost 9 pounds since joining eDiets. YAY!

The main benefit I am getting from eDiets is discipline. I am a very undisciplined person, as anyone who has read this journal over the years can tell. I need structure to succeed. And that’s what eDiets plan is doing for me. It’s really not much different from the American Heart Association’s Fit For Life plan, and is conceptually similar to Weight Watchers (and, I’m sure, many other weight loss programs): Eat well balanced meals, reduce the amount you eat, and exercise. If you do all three, your weight will go down.

eDiets has given me the structure I need to do this. Their meal plan helps me figure out what is okay to eat, and how much. Their daily journals help ensure that I am conscious of what I am eating. Their online meetings keep me from slacking off, or ignoring the plan.

It’s the structure and discipline I need to start changing my life. And the 9 pounds off the scale would seem to indicate that it is working!

Today was my first official weigh-in since starting the program. One week in, four pounds down. Or was it more of a weight loss?

I am trying to decide whether or not to trust our scale. When I weighed myself Thursday night – just after dinner – the scale said 324.5. When I woke up this morning – after my morning routines – the scale showed 319. I couldn’t believe what it said, so I moved the scale a bit and weighed myself again. 319. I re-calibrated the scale, and weighed myself again. 319. I proceeded to repeat this through 5 more calibrations. I weighed myself a total of 8 times; every time but one the scale read 319 (once, it read 322).

So I am not sure what to believe. How could I have lost 5 pounds in a night? That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Then the 322 thrown into the mix confused me more. So I went with the 322, which sounds more reasonable. I’ll ignore the other 7 readings for now. And then I’ll see what I show next Friday morning. I should mention that my weigh-ins have always been in the morning. And it is important to weigh one’s self at the same time of the day each time. Could I really be down to 319?

I actually had a battle of willpower last night that I wanted to mention. Erin, my Mom and I went out to eat Wednesday night. Erin and my mom ordered a delicious piece of cake, and then could not eat it. It is now sitting in our refrigerator.

Last night around 10:00 or so, that cake started calling out to me! I imagined eating it, and I could just about taste it as I thought about it! Erin was asleep, so I crept upstairs, went into the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water, reached into the refrigerator to grab that piece of cake…

…and then I stopped. I looked around, shook my head, and asked just what the hell I thought I was doing. I didn’t need to eat the cake. I wasn’t hungry, not even a little bit. If I were to eat the cake, it would simply be because I wanted something sweet. It would be empty calories, and a failure on my part to control what I was eating.

So I closed the refrigerator and went back to my computer desk. And I couldn’t help feeling that I had just one a major battle. That made me feel great, and more importantly, it made me feel even more confident that I can get control of my eating and my weight back.

That experience is definitely going into my toolchest!

Today marks my second official day following eDiets weight loss plan. It’s actually a fairly-simple plan to follow. Part of that is probably because of my starting weight, though. It takes a lot calories to maintain a 325+ pound weight. So reducing calories enough to slowly lose weight still leaves me with a lot of calories per day to eat. The difference in this is the foods that I eat. I am basically snacking all day long (which I normally do anyway). But the difference now is that I am snacking on graham crackers or grapes or yogurt instead of donuts or brownies.

One big key to this (and all) weight loss plans: water. I wasn’t drinking anywhere near enough water. I was drinking a lot of soda and chocolate milk, but not much water. I am now reversing that. I am trying to completely break away from chocolate milk and soda pop. My goal is to replace those completely with water, though there will probably be times that I slip some coffee or tea or milk instead.

Actually, I am quite pleased with how large a part milk plays in eDiets plan. It is not uncommon to see two meals a day listing a cup of milk. The milk lover in me loves this! And, if I get tired of milk, I can replace the milk with yogurt!

I realized today that I do have a number of strategies that I can use to make sure I lose weight and keep it off. One strategy that I’ll be using later today involves fuelling up the car. When I stop at a convenience store, I always have a major urge to fuel up Miguelito while I am fuelling up the vehicle. My way around this is to not go into the store. Instead, use the Pay’n'Pumps. Swipe the credit card, fuel up the vehicle, get my receipt and off I go. No chance to surrender to temptation.

I am actually looking forward to trying to lose weight!

Weight: 326
Difference from last entry: 0

I’ve spent the past couple of weeks trying to figure out just how I’m going to go about getting some structure into my attempts to gain control over my weight. I know that I need to journal, but I find that hard to do if I don’t have a specific reason for doing so. I shouldn’t have to make up a reason, but my mind works in mysterious ways.

So I have settled on trying eDiets personalized diet plan. It’s not exactly cheap (about $25 a month). But it will give me a goal to shoot for. The weight loss plan will definitely provide the structure that I need. And it gives me a goal to shoot for. Specifically, the goal is reaching 305 pounds by the middle of December.

There are a couple of things I like about eDiet’s plan. First, I was able to alter it to fit my preferred meal layout (small meals every three hours or so, with a larger dinner). The second is it allows a tailored exercise program. I set up my exercise program for aerobic stuff on Tuesday – Thursday, limbering exercises on Friday and Sunday, and rest days on the other days. This is an exercise program I can actually see myself doing.

Assuming I can get over my self consciousness and get back out into public to work out. I didn’t really realize just how hurt I was when that kid at the Y told his father, “Wow, look at the fat man!” For some reason, that comment really sunk into my core. It reinforced my internal voice, the one that says, “everyone is laughing at you ‘cuz you are so fat. Don’t try working out, they’ll just laugh more. Just go home.” That reinforcement paralyzed me. I wasn’t able to get myself out to work out very often after that.

I still haven’t been able to. Erin and I have lived in Highlands Ranch for over two months now, and I still haven’t been to the rec center (where we have a free membership) to work out. No excuses, other than I am frightened that someone else will point and laugh.

My main goal for this upcoming week is to get over that fear and go to the rec center for a workout.