28 Nov

Weight: 290
Difference from last entry: +5.8

Hello again! I hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

You probably thought that, because it’s been three weeks since I’ve updated this journal, I haven’t exactly been doing well in my struggles with my weight. Yes, and no. I haven’t been doing remarkably, but I also haven’t gone totally out of control. Considering that the Thanksgiving weekend just passed, I’ve gotta think that this is a good compromise. As the saying goes, if it don’t kill you, it just makes you stronger. I haven’t bloated up to 300 pounds or anything, so I’ve gotta consider this a victory, if only a moral victory.

Since I am talking in cliche (who am I, Canibus? [grin]), let me throw out another… Or maybe not, since the cliche I wanted to use totally slipped my mind. The point I was going to make is this: I am still hanging on, even if just barely. I haven’t given up yet, and I don’t plan on giving up any time soon. My goal is still the same, to control my eating and my weight. As long as I can keep sight of that goal, things will be okay. I know this in my heart; sometimes it just takes my mind a while to remember. [grin]

I actually just finished working out. This is the second time this week I’ve made myself actually exercise for 20 minutes. I hesitate to pat msyelf on the back, however. In my last journal entry, I swore that I was going to start exercising every day. I exercised on the 7th of November, then not again ’til yesterday. I can’t afford to take 20 days off between exercise sessions. That just isn’t the way to lose weight! [grin] So I’ll try to continue forcing myself into the exercise room every day. With how out-of-shape I am right now, I really need to exercise at least four times a week. Exercising every day would be best, of course.

I have found a way to make exercising more enjoyable. My fiancee was nice enough to buy me a portable compact disc player with 45 second non-skip protection. The non-skip thing is very important: with my excess weight and body mass, a portable stereo gets treated to quite a bumpy ride during my workout. Without the antiskip, I don’t get to hear much music. Anyway, I pop in LL Cool J’s new CD, The G.O.A.T., turn on the Bass Boost, and then exercise away. The first half-hour or so of music on this CD has a wonderful beat for exercising to. It keeps a person pushing hard. If you have any music recommendations for working out, please email them to me.

Okay, so I got through Thanksgiving without too much damage. But this is the holiday season, which means that, until the middle of January, there is one more big danger for me: Egg Nog! I don’t know what it is about the stuff, but I simply can’t resist it. I actually left work today at lunchtime and sought out somewhere where I could buy some egg nog. It’s ridiculous: egg nog has more control over me than even peanut butter. I am weak, and haven’t figured out how to gain strength over this heavenly, creamy white stuff. Wish me luck these next couple of months!

Well, to use one more cliche, it is feast or famine with these journal entries. I either write a book in these entries, or don’t write anything at all. It is kind of funny: I started this journal for two reasons: #1, to inspire myself, and #2 to maybe give encouragement or at least a sense of companionship to those of you also trying to manage your weight. For a couple of years, I did a pretty good job of keeping the journal up-to-date. But lately, I’ve felt this strange hesitance to update the journal. I feel like a hypocrite, writing in this journal about losing weight when I myself can’t seem to lose weight. That thought has been enough recently to keep me from writing here. Which is to my detriment; writing helps me sort out my thoughts, which helps me show more conviction to my thoughts. I hurt myself by not updating this journal.

I realized today, as I was showering after my workout, that I need to mentally re-focus, and re-evaluate what I am using this journal for. I am not trying to preach here, I am not trying to pat myself on the back or present myself as some kind of weight loss expert. Because I am definitely not that. I am just an ordinary guy, locked in a life-long battle with that strange part of my mind that wants to eat and eat and eat. If you are looking for a weight loss expert, then I am sorry, but you haven’t found one here. But if you are looking for an average Joe (Miguelito), if you want to read about an ordinary, average guy and what it’s like for a real person to try to lose weight, then you’ve found the right place. And I promise that I will be around for a long time to come. [grin]

Cheers!

– Miguelito

06 Nov

[Pre-Weight In]

Okay, so I know that it is quite a while since I’ve had a weigh-in. Schedule conflicts have kept me away from Weight Watchers for three weeks now. Which is a bad thing, but also gives me a little big of relief. Because I know that I am not going to like the weigh in. I haven’t been near a scale in almost a month, but I know my body well enough to know that I’ve put on a bit of weight recently. I think I am over the 290 pound mark once again. And once again, I am not taking it well.

I have basically disappointed myself, and that disappointment is hard to take. It makes it hard for me to not be negative. And negativity spells doom in any weight management attempt. Negativity leads to a ton of different emotions, such as sadness, depression, anger. This leaves those of us prone to emotional eating in a quandry, which quickly devolves into a cycle of eating because one feels bad, and feeling bad because one is eating so much. It’s a trap I have been trying to keep myself out of since I started this.

The part that most annoys me is that I apparently haven’t learned anything. There’s been nothing new that has caused me to gain the weight I have recently. As a matter of fact, it is all the OLD traps that I should’ve been able to avoid that have gotten me. It’s getting a pastry and a thing of chocolate milk when I fuel up my car. It’s having a regular soda or lemonade with my meal, instead of water or diet soda. It’s grabbing a candy bar out of the machine at work instead of bringing a more nutritious, less fattening snack from home. It’s having lunch at Burger King instead of Wok’n’Roll. All of these hold habits which I’ve been fighting for the last three years; I just can’t seem to get past them.

About the only thing I can’t fault myself for is my lack of exercise. I was sick, and my body took a while to recover from the cold. I am just now feeling healthy enough to attempt some exercise again. And I came prepared today to do just that. I plan on getting in about a half-hour of exercise today. And then doing the same thing again tomorrow. I have learned one lesson very well: exercise is the key to weight loss. Without exercise, a person isn’t going to have good success at controlling their weight.

I hope that you’ve had a better week or two than I have had! I know that it’ll get better, I know that I’ll come out of this funk. It just won’t be as easy as it usually is.

‘Til next time!